Hi Everyone, just wanted to share an experience that happened listening to one of Mike Parson’s mentoring sessions….it’s a bit long, but Jesus dealt with quite a bit of stuff with me that day…
February 6, 2014
Tonight I listened to Mike Parsons, talking about how important it is to have the Gate of First Love truly opened in our hearts. And so as he began the activation, I stopped it & just lingered at that gate. I seemed to meet with Jesus there easily enough, & actually was quite surprised because it was even easier than normal. So I looked up to Him & just asked Him if there was anything else blocking this gate. He looked down at me & gently said, “You. You don’t believe that I love you.” And I surprised even myself with my answer, so quick, so forthright, & said in surprise but not with pain, “Yes! I don’t receive it do I?” I acknowledged that I could talk of His love for others, but I couldn’t receive it myself. So I asked Him when did that happen, that I cut off receiving love. And I remembered the story my adoptive Mom told me, how a babysitter left me & another neighbour’s toddler in my crib all day while she was outside playing…when our parents got home they were very angry at her for abandoning us. So I asked Jesus to set me free from that spirit of abandonment, & it was like an umbilical cord was being unwrapped from around my neck…& I remembered how many times I would have those choking tears, that pain n my throat when I cried during my life & wondered if it was the effects of this thing, this spirit. Then I asked if He would pick me up, as that little 2 year old, & bring His healing & His love to my heart. And He did. My crying stopped…My soul felt at peace. I realized then why the sound of my son, screaming in his crib bothered me so much , & why I could not let him cry it out…the one night I tried it almost broke my heart…he was crying out & reminding me of my own abandonment too.
Then with almost child-like wonder I looked up to Him & asked Jesus…”Is that when my ‘truster’ broke?” And by the affirmation that flooded my heart, I knew that it was. Just this week, in prayer & in comments, I’ve mentioned a few times how I had admitted to Papa once how I couldn’t trust Him to love me & care for me cuz I didn’t trust my earthly father…I came up with the analogy that I had a broken ‘truster’ & that I couldn’t fix it; He would have to. But where was my ‘truster’? So I asked, & realized it was made up of my heart, the mind of my spirit, & my own mind…which had been especially strangled through the coiled tightness of that spirit of abandonment all those years. I then by faith handed Jesus all three for Him to fix….which He did & then gave it whole & back to me. I took it & placed it within my spirit & as I did I thought, ‘ I wonder what type of tree will grow from this in the garden of my heart later when I go there. And I didn’t even have the thought finished before I ‘knew it was a mighty conifer, & that it was already growing! And I also saw in the spirit that it was already reaching toward the sky, that it would be a mighty tree, reaching to heaven, with roots that reached with stability down into the ground the same distance that it grew up. I knew that my ‘truster’ tree would never be moved , would never shake in me, to symbolize the total healing & strength of Jesus’ healing of it within me. I couldn’t wait to see it!
I was feeling His Love & felt happy tears slipping down my cheeks. But I asked if He would cleanse my bloodline of that spirit, wanting Him to take His sword & slice off those old thoughts of abandonment like slicing flesh off a mango. (I’d just seen Jamie Oliver do that on the weekend on a cooking show, so that’s why that came to mind. ) But, Jesus broke into those thoughts saying ‘You can do it” & I knew I needed to declare the truth myself for deliverance & cleansing. So, I just began saying “I am not abandoned any longer. I have the love of My Papa, of my Jesus. I was brought forth In His Love & I have always had it! I AM my Beloved’s & My Beloved is Mine!” That felt so good, so true, so holy.
Then I thought about all the rejection that I was born into, with my birth mother & father not wanting me in their lives. And I realized that abandonment & rejection in her womb had even tainted my DNA… how could it not…her parents abandoned her, my older sister’s husband abandoned her, & my birth father abandoned her when she was pregnant with me…so I was brought forth in it, no wonder it was a lifelong experience for me. So I asked Jesus to please cleanse me from all of this generational & bloodline abandonment & rejection that I realized went all the way back even to Adam & Eve’s fall from Eden…they had the first & greatest experience with rejection & abandonment then. So together as one, Jesus & I blew back along that line until it reached Papa’s heart where we came from. I turned to Jesus, marvelling at how easy that was. “There wasn’t any physical manifestations, there was no resistance! It was so easy, just a breath!” And He replied, “It’s because you desired & decided to accept my love tonight so easily…there was no resistance to my love, so there was no resistance to the deliverance of this from you either.” Wow, it has always been this easy? If I had always been so easy to do so…I was humbled, & also aware that until tonight, my broken ‘truster’ had kept it from happening…I was so grateful…I just spent some time thanking Him & leaning on His chest. It was so wonderful to finally be experiencing Him so spontaneously, so intimately, so conversationally…I had yearned for that all my life.
I knew there was still more to do. From my previous experience with Him, where He had cleansed my bloodline from a twisting snakelike spirit of alcoholism last week, I knew cleansing into my past but also into my future was possible (that is another testimony for later)…so I asked for this also. It needed to start at that little 2 year old time in that crib, no I realized, it needed to start in my mother’s womb…I needed His DNA to come in there & reconfigure mine, driving out all the rejection bred into my cells, & restoring free Life & Love & healing & genetic transformation into them with His life. I remembered the verses in Chapter 8 of Song of Songs, where the Shulamite woman was wishing she could invite her Beloved into her mother’s house where she was birthed…& I thought, wow, this is what is needed for Him to cleanse & change me…So, I just opened all of me to Him, for Jesus to recreate me, to replace that faulty dna with His own… I felt an intense presence of His Power of His Love shaking my body, His weight covering me. Then I felt the release…I placed my hand on my womb, asking for Him to bring His transformation into the dna of my sons, who also through me, were brought forth with that dna of rejection. I asked Him to burst forth into each of my sons, bringing freedom, bringing healing from all the rejection they have ever felt…then into all the relationships with my parents, with my family, with my husband, all friends, coworkers, teachers, Christians…all of the rejections, all of the actions that I read as rejection because my dna was programmed to so easily see any negative as full abandonment. So we stood together and I waited as His life flooded out through all of these people & relationships, bringing change. I also asked that He would correct the memories that I had, they were all coloured with rejection also. Then I asked that He would transform my future & the future of my sons’ lives & experiences, that rejection & abandonment would be erased from every circumstance, every experience. Jesus & I then both faced into my future & His mighty power of Life & Love poured through that too. I was enveloped in His Presence, in His Love. The dog then began clawing at my arm for something, but I didn’t move, I couldn’t, I was in the midst of His repair & it felt sooo good.
Without leaving this experience, I thought about that ‘Truster’ Tree again, growing in my Garden & knew that that tree was also Jesus, my trust, my faith was fully in Him, so that tree represented Him. And as I remembered that Mike has said to ask Papa to water whatever we plant, I knew that the same artesian well feeding my fountain in my garden would also nourish this tree. And I realized this represented Jesus for me now, unending, unchanging, unshakeable…my tree of refuge. I could even see a small hammock hanging across some boughs for me to abide in. Then I caught a glimpse of a small tree beside Him & realized that was me, small in stature, but with a promise to grow. I wondered if I would ever, could ever become as large & deeply rooted as He was & then His thought came, that yes, I was made in His image, filed with His faith, now fully able to trust in Him…so this was my destiny too, as His image…amazing…wow Papa. I even saw myself beside Him, as that tree, & I was a smaller version of that tree, made in His image….wow, I was overwhelmed thinking about it.
Next, in the Spirit, by faith I went to the trading floor before Papa. I was so grateful for all Jesus had accomplished in me, & I knew it was done, it was mine. But I offered it all to Papa anyway, that this victory in my life would be fully His…knowing He would give it back to me to keep. I asked for two things in return, that He would show me my destiny in Him, & that He would unroll my scroll, now that there had been a path cleared directly from His heart to mine. And that’s when I remembered that in the midst of the healing & release from rejection, I had heard Papa say ‘I’ve made you a bee-keeper”. I filed that away, trusting that was Him because that is not anything I would ever have said to myself. So, in this new intimacy with Jesus I asked what that meant. As I thought about bees, especially bees in the bible, I thought the meaning of the name Deborah is ‘bee’ & just then I heard Papa say “You will bring forth Deborahs…mighty warrior princesses”. I felt the heat & presence of Papa again & began to vibrate, as I felt a mantle drop around my shoulders. With new found boldness, marvelling at my curiosity, I wondered at the colour of it & immediately knew that it was red…I sat & waited until Papa’s anointing was finished. Inside I realized I had always poured out to help women rise up above their circumstances, drawn to those who were hurting or oppressed…so with Jesus help, yes, this is doable…
Then I asked for my second request, that I could be able to see Him, to see Jesus, to see into His realm, into my home there…not just with my sprit, but with my eyes, with every part of me, all of me, to walk & talk with Enoch & talk healing with John G Lake, to walk & visit with angels & saints, to experience it all as real as I do life here. I left that with Him…He would have to unfold that one, but I knew I was ready now to do this, I knew this was the time. (And I knew, it was also time to go & feed that dog…)
When I came back, I spent some time with Jesus, just asking if I could see my gate of first love again, did it look different now? I kept waiting but nothing appeared. The first time I went to this gate I sensed it as being wrought iron with some things grown over it. But this time I didn’t sense it at all….then I saw Him, Jesus. And in answer to my silent inquiry, He said that He is now my gate of first Love….wow…still pondering all that that means….
Song of Solomon:
If only you were to me like a brother,
who was nursed at my mother’s breasts!
Then, if I found you outside,
I would kiss you,
and no one would despise me.
2 I would lead you
and bring you to my mother’s house—
she who has taught me.
I would give you spiced wine to drink,
the nectar of my pomegranates.
3 His left arm is under my head
and his right arm embraces me.
4 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.
5 Who is this coming up from the wilderness
leaning on her beloved?
Under the apple tree I roused you;
there your mother conceived you,
there she who was in labor gave you birth.
6 Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy[a] unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.[b]
7 Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot sweep it away.
A series of experiments have been done that have led some scientists to conclude that DNA can be reprogrammed with words and frequencies. The DNA molecule is literally a biological internet that receives the intention and information contained in the energy of our words. Take care of your words!